Callback - Dreams Might Come True

I got a call another call about the job I wanted. They haven't found anyone who has the experience I have and want to see if I'm still interested. My potential future boss is willing to go back and ask for more money for me. I'm stunned.

I just started accepting that my life was going to be a certain way for a while and all the things I could do to make-up for the fact that I'm in debt: go to the gym more, write more, spend more time with my kids. Now I have another chance at a job I really want. It's funny but I'm not jumping up and down over it. Well, I did when I initially got off the phone. Hearing that someone wants me is always a good ego boost. Then my husband and I sat down and talked about some specfics. How much do I really need to make the switch? What will we do if neither of us can pick-up the kids? Does this make it easier for him to look for something or harder?

I know he feels bad because he doesn't earn as much as me. And he even said he hopes I'm proud of him, too. And I am. He fixed the washing machine for $10.13, he fixed his car for $75. He cooks and cleans and he's a nice guy. Last night he came home early to spend time with me. Ok, so he was sailing and he's going out tonight but compared to how much some of my friends see their husbands, I think I've got it pretty good.

And if we need to, we'll have the money to hire a baby sitter for two nights a week. That way we could even have a date night.

I have to put together the numbers for this job. My biggest fear is that they check my credit score and I don't pass. It's happened before and it's total bull-.

My co-worker called me today to tell me she was quiet yesterday because she received a 30-day notice, which a few other people received as well. She's completely panicked because they live paycheck to paycheck and if she loses her job, she doesn't know what she'll do. I know how she feels. Once the IRS levied our bank account because we couldn't pay our total debt, which I didn't even know we had at the time. I feel so bad for her. Maybe my leaving (if it actually happens) will help her.

Staying Calm

I stayed calm last night and just let it ride - and played Brickbreaker. I know the happiness gurus would tell me to work a little harder or do something useful to overcome my mood. But you know what? I have two kids. I need to rest and stay as calm as possible so I don't take out my frustration on them.

I watched my TV shows, beat my Brickbreaker score (10,320) and just created pleasant conversation with my family. I knew if I went to bed too early, I'd just worry more, so I stayed up past my bedtime and gave myself a facial. In other words, I squeezed my face to get rid of all the pimples. My skin is in worse condition than when I was a teenager. I got to bed at 11:30.

Just past 1:30, my oldest woke up (she was in our bed) saying 'quickly, quickly' then we heard the sound that can wake any parent out of the deepest REM. Vomit. Everywhere. All over her, all over the sheets, all over me.

I had to give her a bath because her hair was covered (sorry to be gross but this is the tame version). By the time I was done my husband had changed the sheets and put the dirty ones in the laundry. That's why I love him. He takes care of the gross stuff and he's naturally calm in these situations. I've learned a lot from him. Everyone got back to sleep then my youngest woke-up. Luckily it was just a potty break and she went to sleep with Daddy in one room, while I slept in my bed with my oldest and a bucket.

We woke-up late and my husband and I are suffering from sympathy stomach pains. I've got sales calls today so staying home and indulging in this isn't possible. These are the times I wish I were a stay-at-home Mom. It drives me crazy when Oprah says being a stay-at-home Mom is the hardest job in the world. I'm a Mom. I take care of my kids. I get up when they vomit all over the place in the middle of the night and then I shower in the morning, put on make-up and decent clothes and answer to my boss. I'd love to be a stay-at-home Mom. Yes, it's mind-numbing but at least I'd be focusing on one thing not pulled in so many directions.

As I re-read my blog from last night, I decided to look at some of the things I've spent money on that maybe I shouldn't have. A shower curtain, a wastebasket that matches the shower curtain and a pair of sandals. I thought we had extra money - just like my husband did. Maybe it's not really a financial problem but a communication problem.

Broke Again

My bank account has $16 in it and I just got paid over $7-grand less than a week ago. How is this possible? Every time I get paid, there's another charge or check that cashes that I didn't expect. I say 'I' because my husband doesn't handle the finances - he's not good at it. Which is also why we're in so much trouble.

He's been out of work now for 5 months and our youngest still goes to day care so he can fix his ex-wife's bathroom. He wants it nice for his boys, but I've had to shell out $1,000 a month for him to make $3,000. Oh, and he goes to the gym every day. Today he went to get a new phone. His was in the pocket of his jeans and went through the wash. He paid $76 for a phone that was supposed to be free. He has to call his sisters internationally. Am I crazy? Isn't this stupid? There's no money and he acts like everyone's in this situation so why worry?

Every week, I have to check our bank account and between pay checks it goes into the red. Even with this raise, it's still not going to be enough. It will never be enough.

I feel like I have no future.

I do feel bad when I lose control with my kids. I really only have two days with them where I don't have to work. And really, it's only one and a half because I usually have to do some work to make-up for what I couldn't get done during the week.

After going to the gym, I took the girls to a birthday party and had to stay since my youngest isn't used to my leaving a party yet.

All the mother's there are great and a few I consider real friends but it was interesting to be the 'older' parent at the party.

I remember when I was just a mommy to one. I wouldn't have dreamed of leaving a party. First, what if she fell? Second, it was a good time to chat with the other Moms. Yet I always noticed the moms with older kids were preoccupied and anxious. Now, that's me.

I'd like some time alone and I don't just mean during my commute - when I'm surrounded by hundreds of other commuters on the train, btw. I mean time to just stare at a wall and think of nothing until I'm inspired to do something fun. And free, of course.

Now, I'm going to play brickbreaker.

Finally figured out how to post from my phone. I kept (sort of) to my goal of not gossipping with my coworker. After 20 minutes at lunch, we had nothing to say.